Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Another Deep One

I swear, since the day I made up my mind to make some changes in my life, hence starting this blog, and returning to writing my book, the most random things have been happening to me. I'm not sure if it's a vibe I've been sending out recently because of my new mindset, but people have been subtly encouraging me without even knowing it.

"You've got a lot to offer the world, but the world doesn't get to see much of you"

A co-worker, friend and mentor said these words to me first thing this morning. For the past three years, he has been offering little tidbits of wisdom and advice in the ways of the world. I have to admit, my life is somewhat sheltered. I've never been a risk taker, I can be painfully shy (seriously), and my parents have always been slightly strict. I'm loyal to a fault - when I find something I like, no matter what it is, I will stick with it, even long after I'm done with it and I hate it. Bad, bad, bad... Since I've been in this rut, things haven't gotten any better. In fact they're far worse. I find it hard to do much of anything because either I'm scared, or I can't summon the energy, or, etc., etc., etc. Sometimes it's because it's just too out there, and "I could never do that". If you've experienced this, then you know what I mean. I, for one, am desperately terrified of failure and rejection, but I've got to learn to deal with that, and accept it as a part of life.

Back to my little anecdote:

I ran into him in the elevator this morning, and after a slightly scathing comment about my lack of social life, we got to talking. He warned me that, as he put it, I "was in the prime of my life" and I shouldn't be sitting back and watching it pass me by. Anyone can do anything at anytime, but I wasn't seizing any of the opportunities that were coming along. He was just worried that I'd wake up 20 or 30 years from now and wonder what had happened to my life. Needless to say, I was floored. Without even knowing it, he had echoed my deepest fears. I'll admit it, for the past few months, that thought has crossed my mind more than once. I can't help it. When you've reached a certain point in your and you have absolutely nothing to show for it, it's daunting. It's completely nerve wracking to think that another 25 years could go by, and you might still have nothing to show.

After his little spiel, we parted ways, and of course, I'm thinking about this for quite some time after as I go about my day. As soon I got home, I decided I needed to share this with the world, because it couldn't be more true. I'm not sure if someone else said it, or if this was just his phrasing (I can't find it on Google), but I want you to remember this--I know I will.

We've all got something to offer the world, we just need to stop hiding long enough to reach out and show it. I think we all have the power to make a good difference too, regardless of whether it's through your writing, your music, your artwork or whatever form of expression you choose. I know things didn't work out the way I wanted them to. I was supposed to be in a very different spot in my life by now - believe me, my plans were drastically different. One by one, I feel as though I've been giving up on each of my dreams. I'm realizing though, that just because they didn't work out the way I planned, I shouldn't have to let them go. Not without a fight.

I hope you'll do the same...

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