Looking Back

Do you ever look back at your old blog posts?

I somehow ended up browsing through mine today while trying to determine my next post, and it hit me that I've been blogging since July 2009. Almost two years...

This was my very first post.

And I realized, while not much has really changed since then, everything has changed.

Things are still the same in some ways, but unrecognizable in others.

I've actually written a whole novel since that rainy summer. All I had back then was a dream churning in my heart and a couple of pages tap dancing on my computer. I didn't know where they might lead--I still don't--all I knew was that for the first time in a long time, I was finally looking at something that felt real, that made me feel real again, if that makes sense. I was holding my life in bits and pieces in both hands, trying to salvage what I could still carry, to not let anything else slip through my fingers.

I've been rebuilding since then, and looking back over these posts, I can see just how far I've come.

I'd like to think I've matured, grown, and learned, and hopefully will continue do so, because there is still so much more to go. We never really stop, do we?

And my sister is still the only person who knows what my secret passion is, just how much it means to me, why I keep at it day after day, night after night, why as soon as one work day ends, another begins, why I can't stop...

But you know what?

Now you guys know too. You guys share it. You guys live it. We've all come such a far way... and this is just the beginning.

So tell me, do you ever re-read your old posts? What have you learned about yourself? When did you first start blogging?

What's YOUR Story?

So today I wanted to share a little bit more of my journey to date with you, and briefly touch upon the ever present self-doubt.

Everyone is different. And although we share this common goal of writing, being published, and we go through a lot of similar situations, the experience is unique to each one of us.

I've been trying to write this novel for about 2 years now... yes, 2 years. You have no idea how much my outlook on things have changed since I started, and it's all for the better.

I honestly used to think I'd write the book in one month, send it out the next, and it would be published by the end of the year... yeah.. DOH... what rock was I living under, right?

I think there are a very, very lucky few of us who actually have a fairytale story of being being able to begin and end our journey in a matter of months because it just all worked out. And kudos to them :)

I started writing my novel back in November of 2008. Then I stopped. Scrapped it. Then started again in February of 2009, then scrapped it too and well... you get the picture.

The first time round I wrote 65k and it took me almost a year of blood and sweat, and then I scrapped it yet again.

Because I worried. And I kept doubting myself. I kept wondering if I was good enough. I'd read books and stories that seemed too similar to mine, and end up in full panic mode because I really loved my story and didn't want to have to change it.

The thing is... all this worry... all this self doubt, was just holding me back. And to be completely honest with you, I still have all these fears. I always will. I am human after all :)

The only thing that's changing (hasn't changed completely yet) is my attitude towards it all. And the fact that I'm allowing myself to move forward regardless.

Right now, I'm still writing that same story--it's changed quite a bit along the way, but it won't let me go.

So what if there's a story like yours?

So what if there are books out there better than yours?

There will always stories similar to yours and there will always be books out there better than yours... that doesn't mean you shouldn't try. It just means you should try harder, believe in yourself, and don't give up.

And remember, only you can write like you... regardless of what the story is.

So give that doubt a run for his money.

You've got it in you. It's your turn to shine :)

What do you guys do when you feel like doubt is threatening to take over? What's your journey been like so far? I'd love to hear your story :)